{"index":{"slug":"index","filePath":"index.md","title":"hi","links":["posts/me","posts/my-site","tags/blips"],"tags":[],"content":"hi, i’m kaitwillows and this is my website. i mostly use it as a dump for the things i create (mostly music), and whatever else i want to throw at it."},"posts/2020-07-20":{"slug":"posts/2020-07-20","filePath":"posts/2020-07-20.md","title":"SeaFor - Sweeden (cover)","links":[],"tags":["backported","blips","cover/sweeden"],"content":"\nvisualizer:\n\nmidi (probably) by PlayfulPiano from ninsheetmusic.org\ncover art is taken from “Dream Dog” by Julien Clauzier\nthis is my first song :)"},"posts/2020-10-23":{"slug":"posts/2020-10-23","filePath":"posts/2020-10-23.md","title":"seafor - andromeda (single)","links":[],"tags":["backported","blips"],"content":"\nthis is a three part single/ep\ntracklist:\n\nlook up\nbloom\nlonging\n\ncover:\n"},"posts/2021-03-08":{"slug":"posts/2021-03-08","filePath":"posts/2021-03-08.md","title":"toby fox spider dance cover","links":[],"tags":["backported","blips","cover/spiderDance"],"content":"\nvisualizer:\n"},"posts/2021-04-01":{"slug":"posts/2021-04-01","filePath":"posts/2021-04-01.md","title":"40mP the noise of rain cover","links":["posts/2021-03-08"],"tags":["backported","blips","cover/theNoiseOfRain","missingDate"],"content":"\nno idea when i made this, but i think it would have been shortly after spider dance, they were the same era"},"posts/2022-02-06":{"slug":"posts/2022-02-06","filePath":"posts/2022-02-06.md","title":"toby fox fallen down (cover)","links":[],"tags":["backported","blips","cover/fallenDown"],"content":"visualizer:\n"},"posts/2022-02-18":{"slug":"posts/2022-02-18","filePath":"posts/2022-02-18.md","title":"porter robinson something comforting cover","links":[],"tags":["backported","blips","cover/somethingComforting"],"content":"visualizer:\n"},"posts/2022-05-03":{"slug":"posts/2022-05-03","filePath":"posts/2022-05-03.md","title":"dissociating (yt mix)","links":[],"tags":["backported","blips"],"content":"\nan attempt at unromanticised anguish\ni retconned this since the cover art was partially created with ai\ni also think i used an ai character voice website for a glados voice somewhere? i’m not gonna listen to this whole thing to confirm"},"posts/2022-12-11":{"slug":"posts/2022-12-11","filePath":"posts/2022-12-11.md","title":"😴 (live)","links":[],"tags":["backported","blips"],"content":"\nperformance:\n\nrunning cmatrix in the background like a LARPER over here\nsound is from the op-1 record(?) mixed in with video recording audio"},"posts/2023-01-15-maiko":{"slug":"posts/2023-01-15-maiko","filePath":"posts/2023-01-15 maiko.md","title":"ironomi maiko cover","links":[],"tags":["backported","blips","cover/maiko","missingDate"],"content":"\ni retconned the visualizer since i used ai to make it, and it wasn’t even good :sob:.\n"},"posts/2023-01-15-untitled-29":{"slug":"posts/2023-01-15-untitled-29","filePath":"posts/2023-01-15 untitled 29.md","title":"untitled29","links":[],"tags":["backported","blips","missingDate"],"content":"\nvisualizer:\n\ni fucking misaligned the video to the music :("},"posts/2023-01-16":{"slug":"posts/2023-01-16","filePath":"posts/2023-01-16.md","title":"untitled30","links":[],"tags":["backported","blips"],"content":"\n\nsome demos:\n"},"posts/2023-02-01":{"slug":"posts/2023-02-01","filePath":"posts/2023-02-01.md","title":"untitled lofi thing","links":[],"tags":["backported","blips","missingDate"],"content":"\nthis one hits me in a very specific way when i listen to it, like why is it so emotional 😭"},"posts/2024-06-14":{"slug":"posts/2024-06-14","filePath":"posts/2024-06-14.md","title":"something liek ag cook in the boiler room","links":[],"tags":["backported","blips"],"content":""},"posts/2024-07-16":{"slug":"posts/2024-07-16","filePath":"posts/2024-07-16.md","title":"charli xcx von dutch remix remix remix","links":[],"tags":["backported","blips"],"content":""},"posts/2024-12-08":{"slug":"posts/2024-12-08","filePath":"posts/2024-12-08.md","title":"a v1d3","links":[],"tags":["backported","blips"],"content":"\nmade this using charli xcx’s voice and only vcv rack"},"posts/2025-03-27":{"slug":"posts/2025-03-27","filePath":"posts/2025-03-27.md","title":"modulated machines","links":[],"tags":["backported","blips"],"content":""},"posts/2025-07-01-asdfasdf":{"slug":"posts/2025-07-01-asdfasdf","filePath":"posts/2025-07-01 asdfasdf.md","title":"asdfasdfasdfasdfasdfasdfasdfasdfasdf whatever","links":[],"tags":["backported","missingDate","blips"],"content":""},"posts/2025-07-01-wfyiasc2":{"slug":"posts/2025-07-01-wfyiasc2","filePath":"posts/2025-07-01 wfyiasc2.md","title":"wfyiasc2","links":[],"tags":["backported","missingDate","blips"],"content":""},"posts/2025-07-25-bitesssssssssss":{"slug":"posts/2025-07-25-bitesssssssssss","filePath":"posts/2025-07-25 bitesssssssssss.md","title":"bitesssssssssss","links":[],"tags":["backported","missingDate","blips"],"content":"\nbased on “like me” by pop smoke"},"posts/2025-07-25-like-the-ag-cook-ten-set-yeah":{"slug":"posts/2025-07-25-like-the-ag-cook-ten-set-yeah","filePath":"posts/2025-07-25 like the ag cook ten set yeah.md","title":"like the ag cook ten set yeah","links":[],"tags":["backported","missingDate","blips"],"content":""},"posts/2025-07-25-meowcore":{"slug":"posts/2025-07-25-meowcore","filePath":"posts/2025-07-25 meowcore.md","title":"meowcore","links":[],"tags":["backported","missingDate","blips"],"content":""},"posts/2025-07-25-mod5":{"slug":"posts/2025-07-25-mod5","filePath":"posts/2025-07-25 mod5.md","title":"mod5","links":[],"tags":["backported","missingDate","blips"],"content":""},"posts/2025-07-25-soft-rock":{"slug":"posts/2025-07-25-soft-rock","filePath":"posts/2025-07-25 soft rock.md","title":"soft rock / scrobelly mk2 (live)","links":[],"tags":["backported","missingDate","blips"],"content":""},"posts/2025-07-25-somethingetherial":{"slug":"posts/2025-07-25-somethingetherial","filePath":"posts/2025-07-25 somethingetherial.md","title":"somethingetherial","links":[],"tags":["backported","missingDate","blips"],"content":""},"posts/2025-08-29":{"slug":"posts/2025-08-29","filePath":"posts/2025-08-29.md","title":"vylet pony wayfarer cover d1-d2","links":[],"tags":["backported","blips","cover/wayfarer"],"content":"2025-08-29 d2 (how the FUCK do you do sound design):\n![[media/2025-08-29 [cover] vylet pony - wayfarer (how the FUCK do you do sound design).mp3]]\n2025-07-25 d1:\n![[media/2025-07-25 [cover] vylet pony - wayfarer.mp3]]"},"posts/2025-11-15":{"slug":"posts/2025-11-15","filePath":"posts/2025-11-15.md","title":"forget to love d1","links":[],"tags":["blips","song/forgetToLove","backported"],"content":""},"posts/2025-11-19":{"slug":"posts/2025-11-19","filePath":"posts/2025-11-19.md","title":"forget to love d2","links":[],"tags":["blips","song/forgetToLove","backported"],"content":""},"posts/2025-11-28":{"slug":"posts/2025-11-28","filePath":"posts/2025-11-28.md","title":"paws v1 d1: \"THE ABSOLUTE HARDEST SONG THIS GENERATION HAS SEEN\"","links":[],"tags":["backported","blips","song/paws"],"content":""},"posts/2025-11-29":{"slug":"posts/2025-11-29","filePath":"posts/2025-11-29.md","title":"paws v2 d1: \"idk what im doing\"","links":[],"tags":["backported","blips","song/paws"],"content":""},"posts/2025-11-30":{"slug":"posts/2025-11-30","filePath":"posts/2025-11-30.md","title":"paws v3 d1 \"i said i'd export something today","links":[],"tags":["backported","blips","song/paws"],"content":""},"posts/2025-12-02":{"slug":"posts/2025-12-02","filePath":"posts/2025-12-02.md","title":"forget to love d3","links":[],"tags":["blips","song/forgetToLove","backported"],"content":""},"posts/2025-12-16":{"slug":"posts/2025-12-16","filePath":"posts/2025-12-16.md","title":"vylet pony happier than ever cover d1-d2","links":[],"tags":["backported","blips","cover/happierThanEver"],"content":"\n\nstems:\npiano section - piano is cool though, still gotta finish it:\n\nvocals and lps - just in case i want them (its crazy that however many years ago i couldnt even stay in key if i had autotune on what):\n\n\n“vocal test” from the 13th:\n"},"posts/2026-01-29":{"slug":"posts/2026-01-29","filePath":"posts/2026-01-29.md","title":"im using bitwig btw","links":[],"tags":["backported","blips"],"content":""},"posts/2026-02-01":{"slug":"posts/2026-02-01","filePath":"posts/2026-02-01.md","title":"botw walts (shout out to these five years)","links":[],"tags":["backported","blips"],"content":""},"posts/2026-04-02":{"slug":"posts/2026-04-02","filePath":"posts/2026-04-02.md","title":"suboptimal","links":[],"tags":["yaps"],"content":"\nsuboptimal.\n\nedit from the future, no idea what the picture was. maybe this? \n"},"posts/2026-04-04-16-50":{"slug":"posts/2026-04-04-16-50","filePath":"posts/2026-04-04-16-50.md","title":"idk, catsitting, yap, music, nixos","links":[],"tags":["yaps"],"content":"also i’m catsitting, and fucking around with nixos when i could maybe be studying for some of the classes that i might not fail. i’ve spent like, three days straight just configuring nixos help\n(ill add a picture later)\ni really want to start making music again. i feel like i just have to solve the problem of nixos in its entirety and then ill have a reproducable system for making music. genuinely the thing that pisses me off most about digital music creation is how absolutely volatile it is. ive tried portable reaper installs with plugins and samples supposedly saved in a single folder, and yet, the few projects i worked on on there just didn’t save any audio files anywhere in the directory.\ni have a feeling nixos might solve this? if i can figure out the neccissary evil of switching to linux native audio editing software, then in theory i should be able to include a nixos configuration and a project folder?????? (i don’t really understand nixos yet.\nugh i genuinely dont know (i think paid plugins, if any, will fuck everything over so hard but idk), i think it’d be much more useful to actually start making music.\ni know it goes against the principle(s) of zen or whatever, but i feel kinda bothered by the idea of not being able to open a 5 year old project file and just have it play. i think it’s my programmer brain or whatever. git was made to create records of all changes ever. anyone can clone your repo, see how you built your project, and you never have to worry about being distructive.\nmusic has always felt messier, i know if i dont have an external tool to track changes, i’ll make duplicate clips, and duplicate tracks every time i want to tweak a sound, then delete the old one when i think im done with it. idk, UGH it’s a real frustration. i assume theres solutions with tools, maybe in the linux world or whatever, but maybe that could be a project if it doesnt yet exist."},"posts/2026-04-04":{"slug":"posts/2026-04-04","filePath":"posts/2026-04-04.md","title":"literally","links":[],"tags":["yaps"],"content":"i’m never getting over the definition of “literally”\n\n\nedit from the future, specifically that its two definitions are the exact opposite definitions. like, “literally means ‘not literally true’ what?”\n"},"posts/2026-04-09-08-00":{"slug":"posts/2026-04-09-08-00","filePath":"posts/2026-04-09-08-00.md","title":"i want lineageos","links":[],"tags":["yaps"],"content":"I really wish I could find my old phone I wanna put lineageos on it, maybe I’m just a professional procrastinator but I like old tech and I like that FOSS can make it better and also my pixel 3a has a headphone jack actually"},"posts/2026-04-09":{"slug":"posts/2026-04-09","filePath":"posts/2026-04-09.md","title":"dubstep   !!!!","links":[],"tags":["yaps"],"content":"i hart colour bass i love being a dubstep fan !!!! i love music i don’t care what people think!!!!!!!! i love dubstep :3\n(7:59am i can’t edit filenames on mobile)\n(edit from 04-13: i can see why dubstep went out of fashion. it’s cool and iconic, but the repetitiveness of the samples would definitely make me weary to play it around someone else. i think i just love edm more in general)"},"posts/2026-04-11-01-14":{"slug":"posts/2026-04-11-01-14","filePath":"posts/2026-04-11-01-14.md","title":"bed bugs","links":[],"tags":["yaps"],"content":"i <3 bed bugs"},"posts/2026-04-13-16-26":{"slug":"posts/2026-04-13-16-26","filePath":"posts/2026-04-13-16-26.md","title":"sitting desk, take 1","links":["todo"],"tags":["yaps"],"content":"i’ve been entranced by the idea of a sitting desk, but i didn’t want to go out and actually get one just yet, so this is my alternative :sob:\n\nignore the absolute mess my basement is regardless i am sorry.\nit’s genuinely kinda insane i find sitting crosslegged like this already more enjoyable than using my office chair. idk if it was just the desk height, that made my feet too far from the ground when i adjusted my chair to match.\nnow i need to get  a fucking split ergonomic keyboard with the thumb modifier keys, idk\n\ni kinda wanna just keep track of what i do every day with this site. like, i almost got a little bit through the rust book, in addition to setting up a scrappy ass sitting desk. the website was being weird, it didnt really show code examples? and i got the fucking unicorn error page :( what do you even do in this situation. (i went and read the ebook version idfk)\n\nthere’s still a couple things i want to do before i actually publish this website i think. but for now i have to fucking go to work aaa"},"posts/2026-04-15":{"slug":"posts/2026-04-15","filePath":"posts/2026-04-15.md","title":"blip: bouncy piano screch","links":[],"tags":["blips"],"content":"\ni’m actually getting into it again\nbitwig stock grand piano with max reverb, gate-sidechained by another 0-release. one of the bitwig multiband compressions (grid xcomp multiband yeah) on the first, modulating threshold"},"posts/2026-04-16-23-46":{"slug":"posts/2026-04-16-23-46","filePath":"posts/2026-04-16-23-46.md","title":"evil soul sucking robots","links":[],"tags":["yaps"],"content":"i was trying to articulate how it’s never often that apparent to me how genuinely evil social media companies are\nthey’ve made every single person their own personal robot whose sole purpose in life is to waste as much of your time on this earth as possible, since they found a way to make money off of it\ni should watch this whole video at some point\nyoutu.be/j-TK_oWSg0g"},"posts/2026-04-17":{"slug":"posts/2026-04-17","filePath":"posts/2026-04-17.md","title":"blip: yet another space piano","links":[],"tags":["blips"],"content":"technically tomorrow idk\n\n\n\nwait sorry i think one of these is basically a duplicate"},"posts/2026-04-18-16-37-25":{"slug":"posts/2026-04-18-16-37-25","filePath":"posts/2026-04-18-16-37-25.md","title":"i fucking hate myself","links":[],"tags":["yaps"],"content":"my body is a machine that turns a two hour study session into a five hour study session\n\nAS IN i cant do shit, i cant lock in for more than 3 seconds at a time\n"},"posts/2026-04-23-01-11":{"slug":"posts/2026-04-23-01-11","filePath":"posts/2026-04-23-01-11.md","title":"blip: kicks and more bouncy thing?","links":[],"tags":["blips"],"content":"i should probably make a folder for drum hits and samples and shit at some point soon.\ni made some kicks the other day with bitwigs modular grid thing:\n\n\n\n\n\nand idk i did things with this loop. i kinda want to make it more of a like, soft house beat? i dont know genres. also this was just using the default kits and i couldnt find what i wanted really\n\n"},"posts/2026-04-23-01-19":{"slug":"posts/2026-04-23-01-19","filePath":"posts/2026-04-23-01-19.md","title":"hexagons are the bestagons 🔥","links":[],"tags":["yaps"],"content":"hexagons are the bestagons 🗣️🔥\n\n\n"},"posts/2026-04-24-12-05":{"slug":"posts/2026-04-24-12-05","filePath":"posts/2026-04-24-12-05.md","title":"blip: dirty organ maybe brat no god no","links":[],"tags":["blips"],"content":"idk, the “dirty organ” sound kinda has some interest to it :sob:\n\n\nWHAT WAS I DOING WITH THOSE DRUMS :SOB:\n"},"posts/2026-04-25-22-43":{"slug":"posts/2026-04-25-22-43","filePath":"posts/2026-04-25-22-43.md","title":"blip: walmart milkoi 1, and WannaCry lead T_T","links":[],"tags":["blips","song/walmartMilkoi"],"content":"OH\n\nidk, i guess its only a single note but idk\nive also been so fucking with the porter nina lead\n\n\n"},"posts/2026-04-27-17-15":{"slug":"posts/2026-04-27-17-15","filePath":"posts/2026-04-27-17-15.md","title":"speakers","links":[],"tags":["yaps"],"content":"i have speakers :3\n"},"posts/2026-04-27-17-18":{"slug":"posts/2026-04-27-17-18","filePath":"posts/2026-04-27-17-18.md","title":"blip: small for you 1","links":[],"tags":["blips","song/smallForYou"],"content":"production is eumidion, vocals (and chain) are my own\n"},"posts/2026-04-28-19-00":{"slug":"posts/2026-04-28-19-00","filePath":"posts/2026-04-28-19-00.md","title":"blip: small for you 2","links":[],"tags":["blips","song/smallForYou"],"content":"production is eumidion, vocals (and chain, minus the first six words) are my own\n\n\ndo i have a chance to make you believe me?\nor, is this stupid game just rigged for me to lose?\nevery time, fit in a smaller box.\nbut you don’t even know.\nare you even aware\nthat it hurts to see myself?\nlet alone, be in eyesight?\nyou took it,\nand destroyed\nthe only place of my own,\nthen belittled me behind my back.\noh, but who’s to say you get a say in this?\nis there anything i say to make you-\n"},"posts/2026-04-28-23-34":{"slug":"posts/2026-04-28-23-34","filePath":"posts/2026-04-28-23-34.md","title":"blip: walmart milkoi 2","links":[],"tags":["blips","song/walmartMilkoi"],"content":"\nshout out to milkoi\n"},"posts/2026-04-30-23-00":{"slug":"posts/2026-04-30-23-00","filePath":"posts/2026-04-30-23-00.md","title":"blip: small for you 3","links":[],"tags":["blips","song/smallForYou"],"content":"production is eumidion\n"},"posts/2026-05-03-13-19":{"slug":"posts/2026-05-03-13-19","filePath":"posts/2026-05-03-13-19.md","title":"i dont like spotify :(","links":[],"tags":["TODO","yaps"],"content":"hihi idk, i feel like spotify keeps getting shittier for the following reasons:\n\nspotify player usually doesn’t play the ends of songs properly\nthey use (at least to some extent,) ai for their lofi playlists\n\nthis, presumably, lets them avoid paying the already disgustingly low streaming royalties to real artists.\n\n\nnon-togglable ai generated summaries of every song you listen to\nidk probably something else\n"},"posts/2026-05-05-20-54":{"slug":"posts/2026-05-05-20-54","filePath":"posts/2026-05-05-20-54.md","title":"blip: keshi - get it (cover) 1","links":[],"tags":["blips","song/getItCover"],"content":"this genre of music is severely harder than i though\n"},"posts/2026-05-07-18-12":{"slug":"posts/2026-05-07-18-12","filePath":"posts/2026-05-07-18-12.md","title":"blip: keshi - get it (cover) 2","links":[],"tags":["blips","song/getItCover"],"content":""},"posts/2026-05-07-23-39":{"slug":"posts/2026-05-07-23-39","filePath":"posts/2026-05-07-23-39.md","title":"blip: keshi - get it (cover) 3","links":[],"tags":["blips","song/getItCover"],"content":""},"posts/2026-05-16-13-20":{"slug":"posts/2026-05-16-13-20","filePath":"posts/2026-05-16-13-20.md","title":"kick sound design video","links":[],"tags":["blips","song/getItCover"],"content":"made this kick the other day\n\n(im not 100% sure thats the final sample, i kinda doubt it)\n\nlowkey might buy bitwig cos my trial’s expired, and i wanna start making my own sample pack :3\nalso also bought kaitwillows.net but i have to figure out how/what to host on there"},"posts/2026-05-19-23-22":{"slug":"posts/2026-05-19-23-22","filePath":"posts/2026-05-19-23-22.md","title":"blip: keshi - get it (cover) 4","links":[],"tags":["blips","song/getItCover"],"content":"sup bitches. i switched back to windows/ableton because dlls couldnt work on nixos. probably for the best lowk\n\nmade the snare with vcv rack and ableton’s clap drum synth\nhat is an 808 hat i think? just gated and filtered"},"posts/2026-05-22-16-10":{"slug":"posts/2026-05-22-16-10","filePath":"posts/2026-05-22-16-10.md","title":"blip: keshi - get it (cover) 6","links":[],"tags":["blips","song/getItCover"],"content":""},"posts/2026-05-22":{"slug":"posts/2026-05-22","filePath":"posts/2026-05-22.md","title":"blip: keshi - get it (cover) 5","links":[],"tags":["blips","song/getItCover"],"content":""},"posts/2026-05-23-23-24":{"slug":"posts/2026-05-23-23-24","filePath":"posts/2026-05-23-23-24.md","title":"blip: keshi - get it (cover) 7","links":[],"tags":["blips","song/getItCover"],"content":"\nim debating just not finishing this idk\nthe guitar just needs to be filled out and it’d probably be good enough. it needs so much polish but i’m almost feeling too lazy for just the guitar idfk\ni think it’d be so cool to have some sort of pseudo passive income, almost like a big risk big reward type job? idk, either entrepreneur software development maybe where your revenue is day to day consistent regardless of what you do each day, but it’s only there because you did work at some point and it now exists to be sold. but i think it would be really cool to be able to do that with music; just have enough money to work on what you want full time, and eventually just make something you can release, and get your revenue like that. i dont want a lot, just enough to live and chill i guess. yap yuap yap yap yap\ni kinda just wanna be unemployed forever (kinda not really idfk atp) let the world be all sunshine and rainbows\nNO but like, the thing is, for me to even be able to buy a ticket in the one-in-five-trillion lottery of making any sort of money with music, i actually have to put in effort, and make shit sound good, but im too lazy idfjkasd nfjkahsdfilkajsdfkljas dklfj give me a couple weeks jnust wait"},"posts/2026-06-01-11-25":{"slug":"posts/2026-06-01-11-25","filePath":"posts/2026-06-01-11-25.md","title":"crawlspace ver1 demo1","links":[],"tags":["blips","song/crawlspace","album/2012"],"content":"\ni think i want to challenge myself to work on this album every day, regardless of if i “feel” like it or not so yeah. now i can’t make myself stop\nright now i’m just kinda experimenting with sounds, and i’ll try to refine them yeag.\nalso for some reason i really like to keep track of everything to a disgusting extent, so this is that recording session:\n\nif it doesn’t work this is this link"},"posts/2026-06-01-23-00":{"slug":"posts/2026-06-01-23-00","filePath":"posts/2026-06-01-23-00.md","title":"vylet pony - in the name of friendship live ver. sample flip (kinda)","links":[],"tags":["blips"],"content":"\ni wanted to transcribe this song but i got distracted with a sound i heard in it\ni also think i need to turn on the normalize audio option in ableton :/"},"posts/2026-06-02-21-28":{"slug":"posts/2026-06-02-21-28","filePath":"posts/2026-06-02-21-28.md","title":"i would pay so much money to show my younger self what i look like now","links":[],"tags":["yaps"],"content":"i would pay so much money to show my younger self what i look like now\n\n"},"posts/2026-06-02-21-54":{"slug":"posts/2026-06-02-21-54","filePath":"posts/2026-06-02-21-54.md","title":"id vs in the name of friendship transcription 1","links":[],"tags":["blips"],"content":""},"posts/2026-06-04-13-43":{"slug":"posts/2026-06-04-13-43","filePath":"posts/2026-06-04-13-43.md","title":"something i cannot remember for the life of me","links":[],"tags":["blips"],"content":"\nmostly vital, moving brown noise wavetable freq-modulating a square wave and a saw ontop\ni swear i’ve heard this in a song or a live set or something but i cannot for the fucking life of me place it"},"posts/2026-06-04-17-50":{"slug":"posts/2026-06-04-17-50","filePath":"posts/2026-06-04-17-50.md","title":"ユミ v1 d1","links":[],"tags":["blips","song/yuMi","album/2012"],"content":"\n\nwhat do you x3\nthink about me\nwhat do they x3\nsay about me\nwhat can i x3\ndo about me\nwhat should i x3\nchange about me\n"},"posts/2026-06-11-22-51":{"slug":"posts/2026-06-11-22-51","filePath":"posts/2026-06-11-22-51.md","title":"ユミ v1 d2 (doing it shitty on purpose but also by accident)","links":[],"tags":["album/2012","song/yuMi","blips"],"content":""},"posts/2026-06-12-23-21":{"slug":"posts/2026-06-12-23-21","filePath":"posts/2026-06-12-23-21.md","title":"ushg re-\"master\" d1","links":[],"tags":["blips","album/ushg"],"content":"\ni wanna put this album back onto streaming services, but i want all the songs to be roughly the same volume? that would be nice, and also not too earrapey. this is the first six(?) songs :)"},"posts/2026-06-15-13-40":{"slug":"posts/2026-06-15-13-40","filePath":"posts/2026-06-15-13-40.md","title":"i just made some FUCKING french toast :)","links":[],"tags":["yaps"],"content":"\nim so proud of myself :)"},"posts/2026-06-15":{"slug":"posts/2026-06-15","filePath":"posts/2026-06-15.md","title":"ユミ v1 d3","links":[],"tags":["blips","album/2012","song/yuMi"],"content":"\nistg i cant make the bass fit with it, it sounds so cliche or something"},"posts/2026-06-16-23-39":{"slug":"posts/2026-06-16-23-39","filePath":"posts/2026-06-16-23-39.md","title":"mysterenmissuspeanemis","links":[],"tags":["blips"],"content":"\ni think there may be something wrong with me"},"posts/2026-06-18":{"slug":"posts/2026-06-18","filePath":"posts/2026-06-18.md","title":"vylet pony death of all magic cover d1 (just vocal snippets)","links":[],"tags":["blips","cover/deathOfAllMagic"],"content":"\ni do not know how to make my room quiet :(\nalso this as a separate file for some reason\n"},"posts/2026-06-21":{"slug":"posts/2026-06-21","filePath":"posts/2026-06-21.md","title":"bee and puppycat i got fired today cover d1\\","links":[],"tags":["blips","cover/iGotFiredToday"],"content":""},"posts/2026-06-22":{"slug":"posts/2026-06-22","filePath":"posts/2026-06-22.md","title":"ユミ v1 d4","links":[],"tags":["blips","song/yuMi","album/2012"],"content":"\nidk what to do for the lyrics but yeahg"},"posts/2026-06-23-13-07":{"slug":"posts/2026-06-23-13-07","filePath":"posts/2026-06-23-13-07.md","title":"home of an eepy owl d1","links":[],"tags":["blips","album/aubyOST","song/homeOfAnEepyOwl"],"content":"\nidfk what im doing"},"posts/2026-06-23-20-01":{"slug":"posts/2026-06-23-20-01","filePath":"posts/2026-06-23-20-01.md","title":"ユミ v1 d5","links":[],"tags":["blips","album/2012","song/yuMi"],"content":"\nstill dont know what to do for the lyrics. ig im just chipping away at it slowly :3"},"posts/2026-06-26":{"slug":"posts/2026-06-26","filePath":"posts/2026-06-26.md","title":"ユミ v1 d6","links":[],"tags":["blips","album/2012","song/yuMi"],"content":"\n\nyou ah you ah you ah you ah you ah you ah you ah you ah you ah you ah ah ah\nme to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me ah\n\n\nwhat do you think about me\nwhat do they say about me\nwhat should i change about me\nwhat can i, what can i\nwhat do you think about me\nwhat do they say about me\nwhat should i change about me\nwhat can i, what can i\n\n\nwe’re gonna party like it’s TWENTY-TWELVE tonight\ni wanna show you all the things that you could be\ni still don’t know what to do for these lyrics 😭\nbut tonight won’t be lost if i—\n\n\ntell you everything about me now, ow, ow\nwake up, reinvent anything that you want\ntell you everything about me now, ow, ow\nwake up, reinvent anything that you want\n\n\nyou you you you you you you you you you ah ah\nme me me me me me me me me me ah\nyou you you you you you you you you you ah ah\nme me me me me me me me me me ah\nyou ah you ah you ah you ah you ah you ah you ah you ah you ah you ah ah ah\nme to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me ah\n"},"posts/2026-06-29-15-43":{"slug":"posts/2026-06-29-15-43","filePath":"posts/2026-06-29-15-43.md","title":"2012 (song) v1d1 (first dubstep attempt oh god 😭)","links":["traditional","appropriated"],"tags":["blips","album/2012","song/2012"],"content":"\nfor some reason i think this song needs to have dubstep growls in it somewhere. maybe it’ll be less traditional and more appropriated (like a pop song just with growls strewn in yk)\nalso note to myself i think the yumi demo needs more stereo in the vocal samples, like maybe i’ll double it"},"posts/2026-06-29":{"slug":"posts/2026-06-29","filePath":"posts/2026-06-29.md","title":"2012 (song) v1d2","links":[],"tags":["blips","album/2012","song/2012"],"content":"\nfucking insane how easy it is to fuck around and experiment when i think i’m gonna shelve the song anyways\nlike, UGH the songs i actually care about i HATE working on because i’m scared of “messing them up.”\ni already do make backups of songs all the time, so maybe i just need to fully give into the fact that i might fuck it up, but it’s better than being too scared ig\nsomeone on the internet said something along the lines of “it’s really difficult to make an album with the intention of it being good”"},"posts/2026-07-01":{"slug":"posts/2026-07-01","filePath":"posts/2026-07-01.md","title":"fuck the placebo effect","links":[],"tags":["yaps"],"content":"-# i hate it so much, how am i supposed to tell if atomoxetine works when the peak placebo is 45 times stronger ugh\n-# i dont wanna be useless forever :<"},"posts/2026-07-02-21-38":{"slug":"posts/2026-07-02-21-38","filePath":"posts/2026-07-02-21-38.md","title":"godot 2d tutorial game","links":[],"tags":["touys"],"content":"\n-# i maked it, it took me three days and i lowkey kinda feel dumb because i don’t understand it as well as i feel like i should and it took me four days and i think my executive disfunction might be incurable so thats awsome :)"},"posts/2026-07-02":{"slug":"posts/2026-07-02","filePath":"posts/2026-07-02.md","title":"vylet pony - needle pusher","links":[],"tags":["songHarts"],"content":"\n-# guah shit is so peak my biggest fear is not being able to ever make music that sounds as good as this 😭😔🔥"},"posts/2026-07-03-22-23":{"slug":"posts/2026-07-03-22-23","filePath":"posts/2026-07-03-22-23.md","title":"ushg remaster ad 1","links":[],"tags":["doods"],"content":"lowkey wanna make a carrosel post for my instagram bleh. i think ill make it square maybe actually? idk\n"},"posts/2026-07-04-19-22-47":{"slug":"posts/2026-07-04-19-22-47","filePath":"posts/2026-07-04-19-22-47.md","title":"lock in era","links":[],"tags":["yaps"],"content":"this is something of a note to myself, but last semester, my creative writing class had an assignment that was essentially “create anything for 30 days in a row,” and thats partially why i made this [quartz] website, to be the container for that.\nit’s now into the second month of my summer break, and i have worked on music, i’ve done 18 exports i think since june 1, but i feel as though i’m taking things too slowly. i am still scared almost to work on music, for fear of it being bad.\nmy goal from now on is to export something 5-7 days a week (i would say every day, but odds are i’ll be busy on the weekends). i don’t care so much if it’s perfect, i think the practice is good, and furthermore i don’t neccissarily have to use everything i make. if i save every demo like a commit, then i can always revert, and i think that’s a good safety net :)"},"posts/Camellia---Newspapers-for-Magicians":{"slug":"posts/Camellia---Newspapers-for-Magicians","filePath":"posts/Camellia - Newspapers for Magicians.md","title":"Camellia - Newspapers for Magicians","links":["posts/Vylet-Pony---ANTONYMPH-(Vylet-Ponystep-Remix)"],"tags":["songHarts"],"content":"\ni really want to make something like this. idk why but this song feels similar to vylet pony’s antonymph self-remix they’re both so good"},"posts/Distant-Motions---Northern-Winds":{"slug":"posts/Distant-Motions---Northern-Winds","filePath":"posts/Distant Motions - Northern Winds.md","title":"Distant Motions - Northern Winds","links":[],"tags":["songHarts","yaps"],"content":"\nspecifically the part at 0:46 made my ears perk up while studying.\nidk, i’m all but certain this is human made, since:\n\nLofi Records / Lofi Girl has a “no AI” policy, and even if they were lying, i assume they would have been called out for it by now (not that i’ve checked extensively),\nit sounds like a variation of spitfire lab’s “soft piano” plugin, and,\nthis website said so:\n\n\n\n\n\nbut then again like, i kinda hate how i can’t really find anything on the internet about almost any lofi artist i come across. like, all i have is this person’s spotify bio:\n\nidk, like, this might be conspiracy territory, but maybe a only a few people just mass produce all of the music for the record, and they just slap various aliases onto them? i really don’t know\nbut maybe these people just simply are reclusive on the internet"},"posts/Milkoi---a-barley-scented-village":{"slug":"posts/Milkoi---a-barley-scented-village","filePath":"posts/Milkoi - a barley-scented village.md","title":"Milkoi - a barley-scented village","links":[],"tags":["songHarts"],"content":""},"posts/Vylet-Pony---ANTONYMPH-(Vylet-Ponystep-Remix)":{"slug":"posts/Vylet-Pony---ANTONYMPH-(Vylet-Ponystep-Remix)","filePath":"posts/Vylet Pony - ANTONYMPH (Vylet Ponystep Remix).md","title":"Vylet Pony - ANTONYMPH (Vylet Ponystep Remix)","links":[],"tags":["songHarts"],"content":""},"posts/Vylet-Pony---Earnest":{"slug":"posts/Vylet-Pony---Earnest","filePath":"posts/Vylet Pony - Earnest.md","title":"Vylet Pony - Earnest","links":[],"tags":["songHarts"],"content":""},"posts/Vylet-Pony---Gonarch's-Lair-(the-whole-mixtape)":{"slug":"posts/Vylet-Pony---Gonarch's-Lair-(the-whole-mixtape)","filePath":"posts/Vylet Pony - Gonarch's Lair (the whole mixtape).md","title":"Vylet Pony - Gonarch's Lair (the whole mixtape)","links":[],"tags":["songHarts"],"content":"\nit’s so good, especially outlaw, pony music, 122, clusper, eccentric tumours, vpvpvp, modern talking ballet, and also snarl at your friends.\nactually probably also interrobang, batty lifestyle (a joke that only 2 people ever might understand), blankflank2, and gonarch proper.\nit’s so good."},"posts/crawlspace-v1d2":{"slug":"posts/crawlspace-v1d2","filePath":"posts/crawlspace v1d2.md","title":"crawlspace v1d2","links":[],"tags":["blips","album/2012","song/crawlspace"],"content":"\nidfk what im dogin :3"},"posts/cyberlucifolium":{"slug":"posts/cyberlucifolium","filePath":"posts/cyberlucifolium.md","title":"kaitwillows - cyberlucifolium","links":["media/2025-09-01_cyberlucifolium/visualizer/source-code/","media/2025-09-01_cyberlucifolium/visualizer/source-code/pixltrace.js"],"tags":["backported","releases"],"content":"\ncyberlucifolium\nmusic/artwork by kaitwillows\nseptember 1st, 2025\n© 2025 selfsynthesized\n\n\nthis is the first song of this little “challenge” i’m doing for myself, where i make and release one song per month for 12 months.\ni might be cheating a little bit with this first song, as i made it probably over a year ago, and it just lived as an .mp3 on my old phone for a while. every other song will be made as this year goes by.\non the song itself, i don’t have a lot to say. it has no lyrics, but as i was making it i thought of the title “cyberlucifolium breathing” as some sort of vague idea of a living plant powered by yellow gloey circuitry.\nas i was thinking about a cover art / visualizer, i thought about recreating porter robinson’s squiggly style as a 3d rendering engine from scratch (as i’m thinking about it, the idea was verbatim just the start of the dullscythe video). except, i kinda wanted it to seem like the lines were “drawn” in real time by a little moving pixel. i got really lazy though and it doesn’t really match what was in my head but eh whatever.\nalso idk the colour scheme with the beige and grey (although it’s not super obvious its grey) is kinda nice idk i like it yuh\nALSO lmao sorry i will admit it’s probably not produced/mixed/mastered well at all. i think i made it in like, a couple hours, definitely didn’t mix it or anything, and it’s the first song i ever “mastered” (which was just making sure it was loud enough)\n\nkaitlyn from the future would like to acknowledge that i very much never followed through with the 12 month thing. i have since found out i have executive function issues.\n\nfiles\nmaster mixes\nfinal lossy mp3 320kbps:\n\nfinal lossless flac:\n\ncovers\n3000x3000 cover:\n\n1920x1080 widescreen cover:\n\nvideos\nvisualizer:\n\nvertical trailer:\n\nadditional files\ndemos\n\ni released this song i think over a year after i made the song, so all i had was the final mix in mp3 form, so these are just different versions of the master pretty much\n\ncyberlucifolium_breathing (unmastered).mp3:\n\ncyberlucifolium (master1) (EVIL version).mp3:\n\ntrailers.mp3:\n\ntrailer2 is that gonna be better.wav:\n\nvisualizer source code\nindex.html:\nindex\n<!DOCTYPE html>\n<html lang="en">\n<head>\n  <meta charset="UTF-8">\n  <meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0">\n  <title>cyberlucifolium</title>\n  <style>\n    body {\n      color: rgb(63, 63, 63);\n      margin: 0;\n      display: flex;\n      align-items: center;\n      flex-direction: column;\n      background-color: #fffade;\n      font-size: large;\n    }\n    canvas {\n      border: 1px solid #000;\n      max-width: 90vw;\n    }\n    .outtercontainer {\n      padding-top: 40px;\n      padding-bottom: 20px;\n    }\n  </style>\n</head>\n<body>\n  <div class="outtercontainer">\n    <canvas id="myCanvas" width="512" height="512" style="border-width: 2px;">\n      <script src="pixltrace.js" defer></script>\n    </canvas>\n  </div>\n</body>\n</html>\n \npixltrace.js:\npixltrace.js\n//\n// hiiii welcome to my shit code :p\n// it's kinda shit, but feel free to use it for whatever you want,\n// for your own projects and whatnot, so long as it's not for hate\n//\n \n \nconst canvas = document.getElementById('myCanvas');\nconst ctx = canvas.getContext('2d');\n \ncanvasSize = 512;\nconst drawScale = 3; // so a 128 canvas, projected to 512 (i think idk)\nlet time = 0;\nlet depthScale = .01;\nlet boxScale = 30;\nlet lineSpeed = 4\nconst drawLines = true;\nconst rotateSpeed = 0.02;\ninitialRotation = 3;\n \nlet simplePoints = [ \n  // i found these points by trial and error, a much better way might be to make cubes in blender then copy over their coordinates to here\n  // or make some way to interactively move each point in the web browser. i'm too lazy to do that though :(\n  [ 0,  0,    -2.5 ],\n  [ 0,  0.2,  -.5],\n  [ 0,  0.1,  0  ],\n  [ 0,  0.5,  0.1  ],\n  [ 0,  0.1,  0  ],\n  [ -0.08,  0.1,  0.8  ],\n  [ .5,  0.4,  1.2  ],\n  [ 0.5,  0,  1.3  ],\n  [ -0.08,  0.1,  0.8  ],\n  [ 0.35,  -0.15,  1.3  ],\n  [ 0.20,  -0.46,  1.28  ],\n  [ -0.08,  0.1,  0.8  ],\n];\n \nlet points = []\nfunction populatePoints(simplePoints) {\n  thisCounter = 0 // i swear i'll do better\n  for (let point of simplePoints) {\n    newPoint = {\n      x: point[0] * boxScale, \n      y: point[1] * boxScale, \n      z: (-point[2] * boxScale) + 30, \n      links: [thisCounter+1, thisCounter-1]}\n \n    if (newPoint.links[0] >= simplePoints.length) {\n      newPoint.links.splice(0, 1);\n    }\n    if (newPoint.links[1] < 0) {\n      newPoint.links.splice(1, 1);\n    }\n    // account for out of bounds shit\n    points.push(newPoint);\n    thisCounter ++;\n  };\n};\npopulatePoints(simplePoints);\n \n \n// pixl is the little thing that draws the line, you can kinda see\n// how at the start of the video (or when you refresh) it's just a \n// little line, then speeds up. it worked better in my head. also\n// it's named after those little things in super paper mario :3\nlet pixl = {x: 0, y: 0, z: 0} \nlet pixlTargetNumber = 1\n \n \nfunction rotatePoint(point, degrees) {\n  x = \n    point.x * Math.cos(degrees) +\n    point.y * -Math.sin(degrees) +\n    0;\n  y = \n    point.x * Math.sin(degrees) +\n    point.y * Math.cos(degrees) +\n    0;\n  z = \n    0 +\n    0 +\n    point.z * 1;\n \n  point.x = x\n  point.y = y\n  point.z = z\n \n  return {x: x, y: y, z: z}\n}\n \n \nfunction projectPoint(point3d) {\n  let point2d = { // placeholders\n    x: 0,\n    y: 0\n  }\n \n  point2d.x = (canvasSize/2) + Math.round(((point3d.y + (point3d.y * point3d.x * depthScale)))) * drawScale; \n  point2d.y = (canvasSize/2) + Math.round(((point3d.z + (point3d.z * point3d.x * depthScale)))) * drawScale; \n  return point2d;\n \n}\n \n \nfunction movePixl() {\n  \n  minimumDistance = 2;\n  speed = 1;\n \n  newPoint = find3dSum(\n    pixl, \n    find3dScalar(\n      find3dDelta(points[pixlTargetNumber], pixl), \n      speed * (1/find3dDistance(pixl, points[pixlTargetNumber]))\n    )\n  );\n \n  if (find3dDistance(pixl, points[pixlTargetNumber]) < minimumDistance) {\n    pixlTargetNumber++;\n    console.log(pixlTargetNumber)\n    if (pixlTargetNumber >= points.length) {\n      newPoint = {x: 0*boxScale, y: 0*boxScale, z: 2.5*boxScale}\n      pixlTargetNumber = 1;\n    } \n \n  }\n  pixl.x = newPoint.x;\n  pixl.y = newPoint.y;\n  pixl.z = newPoint.z;\n}\n \nlet lastTime = 0;\nconst fps = 10;\nconst interval = 1000/fps;\n \nfor (let point of points) {\n  point2d = projectPoint(point);\n  ctx.fillRect(\n    point2d.x,\n    point2d.y,\n    drawScale, \n    drawScale\n  );\n  rotatePoint(point, initialRotation); \n}\nfunction draw(timestamp) {\n \n  if (lineSpeed < 300) {\n    lineSpeed += 0.30;\n  }\n \n  if (timestamp - lastTime >= interval) {\n    lastTime = timestamp;\n    ctx.clearRect(0, 0, canvas.width, canvas.height);\n    ctx.fillStyle = 'rgba(63, 63, 63, 1)';\n    if (drawLines) { \n      for (let i = 0; i < lineSpeed; i++) {\n        point2d = projectPoint(pixl);\n        ctx.fillRect(\n          point2d.x,\n          point2d.y,\n          drawScale,\n          drawScale\n        );\n        movePixl(pixl)\n \n      }\n    }\n    for (let point of points) {\n      rotatePoint(point, rotateSpeed); \n    }\n  }\n  requestAnimationFrame(draw);\n}\ndraw()\n \n \n \n \nfunction find3dDelta (point1, point2) {\n  return {\n    x: point1.x - point2.x,\n    y: point1.y - point2.y,\n    z: point1.z - point2.z\n  }\n}\n \nfunction find3dDistance (point1, point2) {\n  delta = find3dDelta(point1, point2)\n  return Math.sqrt((delta.x ** 2) + (delta.y ** 2) + (delta.z ** 2))\n}\n \nfunction find3dSum(point1, point2) {\n  return {\n    x: point1.x + point2.x,\n    y: point1.y + point2.y,\n    z: point1.z + point2.z\n  };\n}\n \nfunction find3dScalar(point1, scalar) {\n  return {\n    x: scalar * point1.x,\n    y: scalar * point1.y,\n    z: scalar * point1.z,\n  };\n}"},"posts/eumidion---small-for-you-(ft.-kaitwillows)":{"slug":"posts/eumidion---small-for-you-(ft.-kaitwillows)","filePath":"posts/eumidion - small for you (ft. kaitwillows).md","title":"eumidion - small for you (ft. kaitwillows)","links":[],"tags":["backported","releases"],"content":"\nhehehe first real collaboration :3"},"posts/hard-images":{"slug":"posts/hard-images","filePath":"posts/hard images.md","title":"hard images","links":[],"tags":["collections"],"content":"\ni’m sorry i’m rewatching this video and this graph is killing me 😭 ^\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n"},"posts/inabakumori---Lagtrain-ラグトレイン-and-others":{"slug":"posts/inabakumori---Lagtrain-ラグトレイン-and-others","filePath":"posts/inabakumori - Lagtrain ラグトレイン and others.md","title":"inabakumori - Lagtrain ラグトレイン and others","links":[],"tags":["songHarts"],"content":"\ni played osu (🤢🤮) for the first time in a while and i forgot how much i loved this type of music"},"posts/kimj---MY-UNNIES":{"slug":"posts/kimj---MY-UNNIES","filePath":"posts/kimj - MY UNNIES.md","title":"kimj - MY UNNIES","links":[],"tags":["songHarts"],"content":"\ni found this song yesterday and played it 30 times holy shit its so good\nit keeps getting stuck in my head too. i’m obsessed\ni don’t know how to feel about the rest of the album though, some is cool, but some feels so rough around the edges. i think i like it though"},"posts/me":{"slug":"posts/me","filePath":"posts/me.md","title":"me","links":[],"tags":["pages"],"content":"hihi, i’m kaitlyn (she / he / they). i’m doing a cs/math degree, and i like to write under the alias kaitwillows.\ni do not use genAI in anything i create. (unless sometimes it’s code related and i get especially lazy.)\ni’m most reachable at kaitlyngill@proton.me"},"posts/meowcore":{"slug":"posts/meowcore","filePath":"posts/meowcore.md","title":"meowcore","links":[],"tags":["backported","missingDate","blips"],"content":""},"posts/my-site":{"slug":"posts/my-site","filePath":"posts/my site.md","title":"my site","links":["/","posts","tags","tags/releases","tags/blips","tags/touys","tags/yaps","tags/songHarts","posts/hard-images","posts/videos-videos-videos"],"tags":["pages"],"content":"index - main page\n\n\nlists\n\neverything ---------- all posts\ntags ---------------- all tags\n\n\n\n\ncreations\n\nreleases --- finished things\nblips --------- music things \ntouys ---- video game things \nyaps ----------- word things\n\n\n\n\ncollections\n\nsongHarts  ----- songs i like \nhardImages --- images i like \nvideosX3  - thumbnails i like\n\n\n"},"posts/navigation":{"slug":"posts/navigation","filePath":"posts/navigation.md","title":"navigation","links":[],"tags":["notes"],"content":" \n## [[tags/posts]] <span class="greyed"> *transient*</span>\n- #[[tags/releases]] <span class="greyed"> - *music, finished*</span>\n- #[[tags/blips]] <span class="greyed"> - *music, unfinished*</span>\n- #[[tags/yips]] <span class="greyed"> - *words, small*</span>\n- #[[tags/yaps]] <span class="greyed"> - *words, big*</span>\n- #[[tags/songHarts]] <span class="greyed"> - *songs, not mine*</span>\n## [[tags/pages]] <span class="greyed">*static*</span>\n- [[me and my site]] <span class="greyed"> - *where we are*</span>\n- [[roadmap]] <span class="greyed"> - *songs of the future*</span>\n "},"posts/parksville":{"slug":"posts/parksville","filePath":"posts/parksville.md","title":"kaitwillows - parksville","links":["media/2025-10-01_parksville/visual/1-haha-og-idea.blend","media/2025-10-01_parksville/visual/2-attempt-2.blend"],"tags":["backported","releases"],"content":"\nparksville 💜🌲💛\nmusic/artwork by kaitwillows\noctober 1st, 2025\n© 2025 selfsynthesized\n\n\nwhat's it about those times that\n\ni just can't get enough of?\n\nwhen i didn't know "how to dress as human,"\n\ncomfort finds a broken heart.\n\nand you found it,\n\nin the spaces between your scars.\n\n"the dreams you wove in me,"\n\ni lived to see them through.\n\nbut now, i miss it--\n\n\n\na shattered soul with no hope.\n\nbetween the warm air night drives and cold lies\n\n"silver records" filled my heart.\n\nthe yearning for a different life i never thought was possible,\n\nbut now i see it so clearly.\n\njust please, can you let me know...\n\naa\n\nmm, mm, mm, mm, mm\n\nwhat's it like to live like\n\nto live like a\n\nmm, mm, mm, mmm, mm\n\nlike your world's complete\n\nmm, mm, mm, mm, mm\n\nwhat's it like to live like\n\nto live like a\n\nmm, mm, mm, mmm, mm\n\nlike a soul with no dream!\n\n\nokk, so the premise is i went on a family trip one time to parksville, bc. it was in january 2022, almost exactly a year after i “came out to myself” as trans.\nfor probably a number of reasons, the memory of this trip and the emotions tied to it stayed stuck in my brain.\nfirst to mind is “how to dress as human.” specifically it was this repost with the thumbnail of the sleepy puppy in the pink sheets and the sparkles and shit, that i found while scrolling youtube on my phone underneith the covers of the pullout couch i slept on.\n(ok at risk of going off on a tangent, before i started estrogen, i struggled to sleep almost every night, and for whatever reason, i had the absolute best sleeps of my life on that pullout couch holy fuck it was good.)\nok anyway, really connected with that song. the way she sung about dysphoria felt so virbaitm to my own experience, and i felt comforted.\n“silver records” is in reference to the first night i think i got there? i was listening to a.g. cook’s 7g album (hence “silver record(s)) in the back of this nice rental car at night. well, i mean, it was night, in january, but it was warm. idk as a calgary citizen it was so nice to not be cold in january, at night no less. plus like, night drives are amazing, especially when you’re not the one driving.\neh idk some theme of this song is remembering what it’s like to be an egg, having so much hope about being able to transition, but also being so unfamiliar with what it would actually be like to be a girl.\ni imagine having a conversation with my past self. in a way, i want to go back and experience that hope, and unfamiliarity, and those new notions of life. UAGH i’m getting tired lmao imma sleep 😴😴😴\noh yeah also “the dreams you wove in me” is a reference to “harper” by vylet pony. it’s an absolutelty beautiful song go listen rn u have to.\n\n\nfiles\nmaster mixes\nfinal lossy mp3 320kbps:\n\nfinal lossless flac:\n\nstems\npiano:\n\nvocals:\n\nvocal chops:\n\ndrums:\n\nbass:\n\ndemos\n2025-02-14 ver1 demo1 - my first song :D.wav:\n\n2025-??-?? ver2 demo1 - inexplicable emotion:\n\n2025-??-?? ver2 demo2 - arfcore:\n\n2025-??-?? ver2 demo3 - fuck yeah im so sarmn:\n\n2025-??-?? ver2 demo4 - pkvl:\n\n2025-06-13 ver2 demo5 pkvl:\n\n2025-08-04 (probably) ver3 demo1 - synth ver:\n\n2025-08-29 ver2 trailer1 - potential trailer theme lmao:\n\n2025-08-30 ver2 trailer2 - trailer2:\n\n2025-08-30 ver2 trailer3 - trailer3 without vocal chops:\n\n2025-09-08 ver2 demo5 i think - 2.4.wav:\n\n2025-09-24 ver2 demo6 - premix:\n\n2025-09-25 ver2 demo7 - fuck it man im actually so done trying to tweak this bass now its two in the fucking morning ugh im gonna kill myself:\n\n2025-09-26 ver2 demo8 - yay its 4am but this is the prelim final mix just gonna listen to it on my phone yuh:\n\n2025-09-26 ver2 demo9 fuck it im so done yuh ;):\n\n2025-09-26 ver2 demo10 - premaster (lossless):\n\n2025-09-26 ver2 demo12 - prelim master 1:\n\n2025-09-27 ver2 demo11 - prelim master 2:\n\nvisual progression\nuhh:\n\nshit:\n\nTREE its shit tho:\n\nblender files\nalso absolutely no idea if these will work or not and i’m too lazy to check\ni am pretty sure i used this plugin to make the tree, and some texture from a free texture site, and also a bunch of youtube tutorials\nhaha og idea\n1-haha-og-idea.blend\nattempt 2\n2-attempt-2.blend\ncovers\n3000x3000 cover:\n\n4k widescreen cover:\n\nvideos\nvisualizer:\n\nvertical trailer:\n"},"posts/passangerprincess---puppy-4ever":{"slug":"posts/passangerprincess---puppy-4ever","filePath":"posts/passangerprincess - puppy 4ever.md","title":"passangerprincess - puppy 4ever","links":[],"tags":["songHarts"],"content":"\ni need to fix the tags on this"},"posts/pinkpanthress---stars":{"slug":"posts/pinkpanthress---stars","filePath":"posts/pinkpanthress - stars.md","title":"pinkpanthress - stars","links":[],"tags":["songHarts"],"content":"this shits just been in my head on repeat the past few days"},"posts/roadmap":{"slug":"posts/roadmap","filePath":"posts/roadmap.md","title":"roadmap","links":["tags/album/ushg","tags/album/2012","tags/song/smallForYou"],"tags":["pages"],"content":"hi, this page is mostly for me to keep track of the things i’m working on.\n\nmusic\n\nushg remaster\n\naugust 3rd 2026 would be the fourth anniversary, so i could release this then (god im so fucking old)\ni mostly just want it to be listenable / the same LUFS throughout the album, instead of the awful shit it was the first time i pushed it to streaming services\n\n\nthe album 2012\n\nfirst album as “kaitwillows”\ni’m gonna try to have done one song every month, so at least three songs done by september\n\n\naubrey’s ost\n\n\na mobile app with some friends from school that involves on-device species recognition from photos.\nan indie game with my brother. hopefully one slightly better than this\n\n\nvarious songs\nideas\n\nthe skooby song (first shows up at 0:12, i just wanna transcribe it, it sounds so pure?)\n\nfinished\n\nsmallForYou\n\nshelved\n\nsome song about insomniac tenancies\n"},"posts/self-hosting-this-shit-now":{"slug":"posts/self-hosting-this-shit-now","filePath":"posts/self hosting this shit now.md","title":"self hosting this shit now","links":[],"tags":["yaps"],"content":"this website is now running off a chromebook from like, 2020 with a 4tb drive plugged into it, idk im scared its gonna shit the bed at some point.\ni did this because github kirked my lfs limit so i cant upload any more shit, and i dont know how to do cdn and im too lazy to pay for hosting buah\nold site is still at kaitwillows.github.io"},"posts/some-shit-halley-labs-would-make":{"slug":"posts/some-shit-halley-labs-would-make","filePath":"posts/some shit halley labs would make.md","title":"some shit halley labs would make","links":[],"tags":["blips"],"content":"\nthe other version of course\n"},"posts/sometimes-music-is-good":{"slug":"posts/sometimes-music-is-good","filePath":"posts/sometimes music is good.md","title":"sometimes music is good","links":[],"tags":["yaps"],"content":"\nfor me at least, there are certain days / weeks where music lights up the neurons in my brain and i understand why i love it so much. other times it feels flat, almost like i’m sick of it. idk i can’t describe it 😭\nwhen i feel one of these two, the feeling is always very potent, or i guess definitely identifiable. i often think of this thing as very intertwined with my mood or whatever, but it’s almost a better indication of mood than my mood itself? idk what im saying i’m not built for writing 😭"},"posts/the-first-kaitwillows-album-(2012)":{"slug":"posts/the-first-kaitwillows-album-(2012)","filePath":"posts/the first kaitwillows album (2012).md","title":"the first kaitwillows album","links":["tags/notes","tags/song/yuMi","tags/song/crawlspace"],"tags":["album/2012","notes","yaps","song/yuMi","song/crawlspace"],"content":"\ni’m making the notes tag, because i’m probably going to edit this post in the future\nALSO this page might be messy since its kinda just me brainstorming shit\n\npreface\ni have actually made a mixtape in the past technically, under a different alias, and it was mid? i guess? not mixed nor mastered at all, but alas :sob:. but i wanna make a new album.\ni’ve always been bad at doing what i want, and maybe an assumption that got in my way partially was that i couldn’t start a song with a premise, lyrics, or title, and that i had to just mess around in ableton until something sounded interesting, but i actually think the reverse might be true.\n\ni asked vylet pony a question on her discord server, and got this, which immediately made so much sense to me, and i’m pretty sure it’d be a more effective way of writing music for me personally.\nthe album itself\nidk, i want to fill out a tracklist, these might be just mostly title ideas to get me goinao sdifjasoodf\n\n\ntracklist (tentative)\n\nユミ (whatyouthinkofme) - yuMi\n2012\ndaisies (30 remake)\nspectral fish\nsickofmyself\ncrawlspace - crawlspace\n2027\n\n\n\nvarious ideas idk\n\nirrevocably fucking up my digital footprint? heh, you mean PAWprint? :3\nsoundcloud rapper era - i just really like keshi get it yeag\nrap song spirals / eudaimonia\ndie a child\nsundress2\n\n\n\nmore details:\n\nintro\n“ipod touch esque”\n\nmore pop-y, accessible track to be like, the frontrunner / marketable / accessible one?\n\n\n\n2012\n\ntowards the end, maybe the last track\nthe lesser popular but more “my favourite” and intense, less “accessible”, akin to “all at once” from i love my computer\nspeedcore at some point?\n\nlike the bass in chocolate lily\n\n\na return to “what i really like”\n\n\n\n\n\n"},"posts/videos-videos-videos":{"slug":"posts/videos-videos-videos","filePath":"posts/videos videos videos.md","title":"videos videos videos","links":[],"tags":["collections"],"content":"it’s all her fault\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n"},"posts/xaev---we-respawn":{"slug":"posts/xaev---we-respawn","filePath":"posts/xaev - we respawn.md","title":"xaev - we respawn","links":[],"tags":["songHarts"],"content":"\nI NEED TO LEARN HOW TO MAKE THIS :SOB:\n🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥"}}